By Kara Lehr: Arts and Culture Editor
You have no idea who Kenny Loggins is, I know, but I do, and I think you should cry to his music. Kenny Loggins wrote and performed the theme song for the hit 84′ movie Footloose to jog your memory. Or the song that you sweatily danced to in sophomore PE class. If you have the movie taste of a 50-year-old man like I do, you might recognize the theme songs from CaddyShack and Caddyshack II, which were both written and performed by Kenny Loggins. If your mom was in love with Tom Cruise in the 80s, you might know his song “Danger Zone” from Top Gun.
Before we get into why the next time you’re crying in your room alone you should listen to Kenny Loggins, let’s address the elephant in the room. Yes, I am a Kenny Loggins fan, and yes, It’s a fact I’ve hidden from the general public, but it’s the real me. Is his music sometimes really cheesy? Yes. Did he write a song about Winnie the pooh? Yes, and it is actually delicious. I know Kenny is cheeseball, but I embrace it, and I think you should too. So let’s get our grubby little hands all cheesy and dive into Kenny Loggins’s 1988 Back to Avalon Album. And why you should cry to it.
For simplicity, I will be breaking up the songs into specific crying categories.
Post Breakup Cry
One of the Most common cries in this age of sweet teen romance is a post-breakup cry, and Kenny has just the songs. As Kenny wraps us up in his warm, tender vocals, “I’m Gonna Miss You” reminds us all that it is common and completely normal to miss someone you genuinely cared for. “Nobody’s Fool (Theme from “Caddyshack II”)” reminds us that not only is there a second Caddyshack, but also that we are indeed nobody’s fool but are confident, sexy people who can definitely golf.
One of Your Three Children Just Runaway Cry
If you ever find yourself in this situation, “Hope For The Runaway” is the perfect song, because it’s about one of three children in a family running away. According to research by Durham University, “(sad) people like to listen to music that mirrors the tone of their current life circumstances – the songs act as a sort of tuning fork for our own situations, and they resonate with us.”
Having a Crush Cry
Sometimes we have a crush that is so phat that it makes us emotional. Well, don’t cry your pretty eyes out because Kenny has brought us treasures like “True Confessions” to comfort us. I’m pretty sure this song is about confessing to cheating on your partner, but when you tell someone you like them, it’s a true confession, right? Right?? “Tell Her” is pretty straight forward. Bro, just stop crying and tell your crush you like them. Please, it’s making me sad.
You Got Blue Paint Stuck On You/ You Just Watched Megamind Cry
This is another very specific section because there’s one song that will really work in these situations, titled “Blue on Blue.” I know we’ve all gotten paint stuck on us before, and it is quite a never racking situation. Well, rack your nerves no more because Kenny says, “Color me blue on blue, and I will wear it well. I will wear it well.” If you have blue paint stuck on you, these are words to live by. If you’re stuck with it, you might as well rock it. But as for Megamind, the 2010 cinematic masterpiece, is also known to bring viewers to tears. Not only is Megamind blue but, “Painted someone from a vision. You saw the future in his eyes.” Sometimes I feel this way about the character Megamind.
Sometimes we are extremely sad and having a serious cry. In this situation, cheering up is the best option, so I suggest you listen to “Isabella’s Eyes.” The song starts with some light drums and Kenny going, “UuhhhHHoHOh”. It sounds as if Kermit the Frog was stuck in a running dishwasher. It makes me laugh, so hopefully, it will cheer you up too. “Back to Avalon” is also great, and although I have no idea what it means I like to cry to it because it sounds like the songs they play at the sad parts of a HallMark movie.
I didn’t mention a couple more songs that would be the perfect background noise for your next pathetic cry session. I hope you give this oatmeal of an album a try. William Ruhlmann on Back to Avalon says, “Kenny Loggins’ commercial decline continued here,” but our hopes only rise after sobbing to this album.